dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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