Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
