maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
