How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
