I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
