My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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