I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
