nut hugger
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
