I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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