he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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