I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
