I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
