Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
