Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
