Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We have started to decorate penises.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
