I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
