Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
