my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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