How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
