Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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