where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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