When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
