nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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