The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
