So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
