Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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