He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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