i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
