Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
