If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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