So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
