I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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