got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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