So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They have beer where we have blood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
