He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
