So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to cum in my sink.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
