There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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