there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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