false alarm. still invincible.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
