I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
