I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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