the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
