in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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