I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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