OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
