HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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