we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
