This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
