totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
is it fun? or sober?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
