You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
