no, he came in my armpit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
