yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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